i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
