pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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