Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
