I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
