No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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