so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
