I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
