and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
