The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
