Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
