Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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