hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
