If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
