he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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