Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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