we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
