She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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