I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
