The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
