She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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