I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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