this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you never un-have a 4some
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
