It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
