two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
