Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
