Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
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the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
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YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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