I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
