I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
