why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize