dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
