Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
