id be glad to
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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