I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
