is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
