worst night to have a conscience
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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