I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize