i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
