The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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