im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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