im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
