So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
