marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
