I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
