This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
