He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
