i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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