I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
