Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
