On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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