He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
