break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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