i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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