your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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