Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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