would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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