thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
