So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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