On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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