well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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