Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
