I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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