dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
