dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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