we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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