dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
