why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
