I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
