The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Text me some of your sweat
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
