This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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