please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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