I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
