my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
