the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
