ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
